Praise These Amazing Church Signs
Marc Gordon - July 12, 2019

Happiest Days

By Edward H. Donnelly

I said to the little children,
"You are living your happiest days,"
And their bright eyes opened wider In innocent amaze.
For their happiness was so perfect,
They did not know it then;
"Oh, no," they said, "there'll be happier days
When we are women and men."

I said to the youth and maiden,
"You are living your happiest days,"
And into their sparkling eyes there crept
A dreamy, far-off gaze;
And their hands sought one another,
And their cheeks flushed rosy red;
" Oh, no," they said, " there'll be happier days
For us when we are wed."

I said to the man and woman,
"You are living your happiest days,"
As they laughingly watched together
Their baby's cunning ways.
"These days are days of labor.
They can hardly be our best;
There'll be happier days when the children are grown,
And we have earned our rest."

I said to the aged couple,
"You are living your happiest days,"
Your children do you honor,
You have won success and praise.
" With a peaceful look they answered,
"God is good to us, that's true: But we think there are happier days for us
In the life we're going to."
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Churches in Europe are most famous for their breathtaking architecture and emotional history. In America,  however, things are done slightly differently, with Churches knew their hilariously witty signs that know exactly lure people inside, and turn any frown upside down.  Here are some of the most sinfully funny Church signs yet.


Vegas Vestry



So they say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. While many other places outside of Vegas like to use this funny saying, we never thought that it would make it’s way to the Church. Well, when times are tough, we’ve got to resort to the unthinkable, trying to get people to feel comfortable enough to come to Church and reveal their sins.



Violators Will Be Prosecuted



It only makes sense that if one violates the laws of personal property, such as parking in a space without authorization, that they will be punished for their illegal act.  When it comes to the Church however, their idea of what a deserving punishment goes a step further than simply paying a fine or having your car towed.  Violators will be baptized – so feel free to park at your own risk. The Church surely doesn’t mind.


Predictable Prayers



The Church knows exactly what you’ve been asking the higher forces for. However, we’ve had enough of all this rain already, and we’re ready for some summer sunshine. So the Church kindly requests from you to change up your prayers for the greater good of the community.  All the rain has been preventing people from making it to Sunday Mass.  Whoever you are, please stop.



The Sign You’re Looking For



Yes, this is it – this is exactly the sign you’ve been looking for from a greater power above us.  Although the sign says absolutely nothing other than the fact that this is the sign that you’ve been looking for, just trust the Church on this one.  Just come on it, and everything will eventually come together and make sense.


Subtle Satan



Satan may be subtle, but he sure knows how to get his message across through the help of this Church.  And wait – if Satan hates this Church, then maybe this exactly the place you want to be.  Or the opposite? We’re not exactly sure how to interpret this, so it seems as though we will just have to enter and see for ourselves!



Church In Check



This Church is most certainly in check, and know’s exactly how things are done. Unfortunately many Churches do not have enough congregants, so they have to resort to humor and subtle manipulation to get more people in.  We surely don’t mind however, as it leaves us with these hilarious and witty signs that have us all smiling, and yes, even somewhat wanting to attend Church too.