This Very Real Job Wants to Pay You $30 an Hour to Eat Candy
Claire Miles - February 16, 2021

Have You Earned Your Tomorrow

By Edgar Guest

Is anybody happier because you passed his way? Does anyone remember that you spoke to him today? This day is almost over, and its toiling time is through; Is there anyone to utter now a kindly word of you?

Did you give a cheerful greeting to the friend who came along? Or a churlish sort of "Howdy" and then vanish in the throng? Were you selfish pure and simple as you rushed along the way, Or is someone mighty grateful for a deed you did today?

Can you say tonight, in parting with the day that's slipping fast, That you helped a single brother of the many that you passed? Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said; Does a man whose hopes were fading now with courage look ahead?

Did you waste the day, or lose it, was it well or sorely spent? Did you leave a trail of kindness or a scar of discontent? As you close your eyes in slumber do you think that God would say, You have earned one more tomorrow by the work you did today?

If you took a poll of six-year-olds and asked them what their dream job is, you can bet that “candy tester” is high up on that list. Most of us, sadly, give up on that dream when we realize most colleges don’t offer a major in candy tasting. But now a new job posting by Candy Funhouse suggests that maybe getting paid to eat candy is possible after all. According to a recently-unearthed job posting, they’re hiring for full- and part-time “Candyologists.” Those who take the job will have a chance to put their passion for candy and chocolate to the test by weighing in on both existing and unreleased Candy Funhouse creations.

The posting says that those lucky candidates can “play an integral role in selecting the candies that will be a part of the first-ever Candy Funhouse branded candy line,” a process that will involve determining 10 worthy options from hundreds of possible selections that make it to the taste-testing stage. Candy Funhouse is a major online outlet for buying up a wide variety of candy (from the latest releases to retro finds) in bulk. If the job description is any guide, it seems like they now have some big plans to start making candy of their own.

Though these sorts of job postings are short-term, it looks like Candy Funhouse is treating this as a pretty legitimate gig. According to Indeed, both the part-time and full-time jobs pay $30 an hour, and the part-time position can be done remotely. Given that there’s still debate in the halls of government over whether America’s minimum wage should be even half of that, this is a chance to do what you love (eat candy) and get paid decently for it.

Of course, the kicker is that Candy Funhouse is based in Canada, so dealing with work permits across international borders might prove difficult. But if there ever were a job where sorting that kind of thing out was worth it, it’s this one. May the most qualified candy consumer get the gig.