Weird Things Everybody Does But Never Talks About
Marc Gordon - August 22, 2019

Smart

By Shel Silverstein

My dad gave me one dollar bill
'Cause I'm his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
'Cause two is more than one!


And then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes -- I guess he didn't know
That three is more than two!


Just then, along came old blind Bates
And just 'cause he can't see
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
And four is more than three!

And then I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs
Down at the seed-feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!


And then I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks
And closed his eyes and shook his head --
Too proud of me to speak!
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Here and there, we all find ourselves doing something hilarious or silly beyond belief.  In most cases, unfortunately, we are terrified to have anyone know what we’ve just done, and to reveal our true selves to the rest of the world, fearing that we will be talked about and made fun of.  Been there? Well, truth be told, not only should our quirks be embraced and appreciated, but it’s also important to keep in mind that we are not alone. Here are the strange things we all do but never talk about.

 

While Shopping…

 

 

While shopping, you see something that catches your eye, so you ask the seller how much it costs. As it turns out, you don’t have enough money to buy it, and either way would never in a million years spend so much money on such a thing. So instead of saying so, because that of course would be embarrassing, you act as though you’re still pondering whether or not you should buy it, and wait until a few minutes have passed in order to carry on. 

 

 

When You Hear Your Own Voice….

 

 

Sometimes, you decide to listen to the voice messages or recordings that you sent out to your friends and family.  Once you hear it for yourself however, all you want to do it apologize to every person you’ve ever had a conversation with, and bury yourself alive. Been there?

 

When You See Someone You *Kind Of* Know…

 

 

So you’re just casually enjoying yourself, walking around town, picking up a coffee, and all of a sudden you run into someone that you somewhat know through a friend. You’re not sure whether or not you should say hello, and if they recognize you or not, or if they would even admit it. So instead of taking the risk and actually opening your mouth, you just make that awkward half smile, where you scrunch your facial muscles, hoping that it could be interpreted either way. 

 

 

While At The ATM….

 

 

While you go to take out some cash from the ATM, it’s not uncommon to suspect that the person behind you in trying to spy on you, and catch a glimpse of your pin number to potentially do some damage once you leave the machine.  You, of course, feel too uncomfortable to actually say something, so instead you just give them this look where you’re trying to say a thousand words.

 

While At A Cafe…

 

 

While trying to enjoy yourself at a cafe either with your friends, or alone, the person right by you is laughing loudly and it drives you crazy.  You want to say something, but you don’t want to act crazy or be judged for being old and traditional, so instead of saying something, you just casually keep sticking your head out, hoping that they will catch your drift, or will at least realize that other people are around. 

 

 

When You Overhear Conversations…

 

 

While carrying on with your daily life, you accidentally overhear the conversation of someone else. Accidentally, without even trying or thinking about it too much, you somehow mentally have already given them your opinion, and somehow you don’t understand why they aren’t taking it.